chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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