You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Randomize
