i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Boobs are out for the taking
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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