It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Ladies don't puke and tell
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
