after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
