I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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