my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
