I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
