We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Randomize
