He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
