When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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