2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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