can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize