They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
