I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Randomize
