Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize