Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
