1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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