Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
