I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
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I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
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He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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