is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
