had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
