Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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