I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Randomize
