I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
