i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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