you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
