No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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