He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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