I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
