He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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