I should be sponsored by Trojan
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
