i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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