i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
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