so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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