if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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