I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
