I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
