I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
