you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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