I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Man, jail baloney is awful.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
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