My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
