You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
