Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
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