I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
