My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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