Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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