I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
