She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
