How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
