My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
