Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
