pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize