As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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