Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
