be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
