Your mouth is God's brothel.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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