I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
