He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
