I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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