Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
