I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
