I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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