I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
