At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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