I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
