is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
