I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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