Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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