I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
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In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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