i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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