The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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