Where are you?
In a non slutty way
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
