you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
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Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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