I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Randomize
